Comparisons

Sometimes it seems impossible to accept even the good things in life. Comparisons always seem to get in the way. Something can never be as good as a memory or desire and I find myself constantly comparing even the good things that fall into my lap to the pleasant past or some fleeting hope for the future. What’s so wrong about living in the moment and taking things for what they are? I hope for once it’s alright to just go with it and hope that something comes out of it. It just seems too foolish to waste so much time trying to make something happen rather than letting things happen and making the best of them.

Change

People are always talking about change: the acceptance of it, how hard it is to adapt, etc. However the concept of change seems as tricky as time; they’re both human constructs. Change is, in fact, just another way we mark time. We try and notice the subtle differences between one point and another and we mark them as two distinct ideas by their changes. More often that not though we talk about how people, even ourselves, have changed over time. In thinking about myself it’s hard to notice any changes directly; everything is such a slow transition to something else. I know part of me has changed, but what exactly remains the same? is it even possible to change completely, to leave a part of ourselves behind and to replace it with something else? I don’t think so. No matter what happens I can see myself reverting to my old ways, whatever they may be. I don’t think anything is behind us, we simply try to explain the present moment by the differences between the now and the then.

Time

Often in my own writing I worry needlessly about how people will make connections between my words and my real life. I write fiction, and therefor, try to maintain some sort of elaborate fantasy behind all of my creations. It is common for the reader to try and pry behind the meaning behind everything, of course; but there are simply times when themes from the real world do not tie into the fiction.

Oddly enough, the biggest culprit behind this is time. I've more than one strange scenario in my real life that has mimicked things I wrote long ago. Admittedly this may be my brains way of making sense of the two separate worlds; but it leaves a spooky feeling none the less. It's always been said that art mimics life, but one has to wonder if perhaps life begins to mimic art to some degree.

Human Relations and Communication.

I often wonder why we keep struggling with this thing called, “human interaction”. It honestly seems so hopeless most of the time, to attempt to try and connect with another human when so much lies in the way. I would venture to say that pretty much everyone over the age of 17 is fucked up in some way or another and when we realize that everyone is just as fucked up as we are it seems pointless to try and align these mismatched segments of our individual personalities. It’s all too much work, too much of a risk, but we find ourselves trying again and again to find something wonderful in the people around us. I would go as far to say that in my experience more people have definitely been, “not worth the trouble” than those who were but alas; it’s a fundamental part of our existence. We keep taking the bet, even if the odds are against us. The prize must be something truly great in order to convince a whole species of its allure.

Learning Things The Hard Way.

Today's thought involves the rearing of children and the manner of learning. I was simply thinking of my own mannerisms and pondering why I always seemed to "learn things the hard way". I came to the conclusion that perhaps children raised in a more chaotic, mistake driven environment may be conditioned to this sort of behavior. In particular I was interested on what statistics may exist on this subject; particularly contrasted between children from different background. I was thinking that, perhaps, a child who's life is filled with fairly easy learning experiences will be more apt to learn things without first making the crucial mistakes that some of the rest of us find ourselves falling into. Suppose that these mistakes or, "learning experiences" are the result of being more able to cope with things in a negative connotation than a positive one. What if a dramatic childhood could cause one lose thier ability to accept easieness in life.

~H.